I am a black woman/mixed with nothing. Pretty and black is not pretty enough?

I am reading AMERICANAH by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie and I feel like I am so close to the main character Ifemelu, but with a little more faith generally speaking. There are certain honest points made that filled me with gratitude because not only am I not crazy, but people are writing truths and being recognized so it makes me feel a very bright hope for me as I have often been disliked by those who find me hard to argue with when I show them the truth. Also I believe I am in a changing period in my life and I do not know exactly what the future will bring but the writer who sat in the background while I cooked people's dinner has decided to break out.

It is amazing how I felt like I was always thought of as not as pretty as other women of mixed race even though I was raised by a mother who let me know I was prettier than most people that I was overlooked for. In my younger days I had a boyfriend who was white and indian mixed and I was never considered right for him. One night a woman I knew back then and I ended up having a few drinks. I actually dislike her because she is very fake and always showing off but I got forced into it in a sense (lol) and she said "Oh i remember when you were with him and EVERYBODY wondered why because you were so.... uhmm... 'rootsy'"

OK maam. Like wtf is rootsy? You mean because I had natural hair and he was not black? Or because he had money and fit into a bourgie circle? Certainly we are all connected to our roots, just some of us have a very fake root. I was me, and he liked me, and I liked him, stay out of it. You mean to say 9 years later she still had to mention it? She still aint get over it nuh.

Surely, based on my complexion, and my mother's stories, I do know I am mixed far back, but not enough for it to count. I have always picked men who have been considered as popular, with that being based on looks to an extent. What can I say, life is too short for ugly, to each his own so leave me and my choices alone. It is sad that whenever a man is faithful or seems worth anything, even the darkest women will wonder why he didn't choose a lighter partner. We have been damaged darlings, we are damaged.

It is so hard to be that black woman who is happy for the other black woman after we are working so hard to get somewhere that when someone else who is working seems to arrive before us we get disheartened and feel we have lost the race rather than using her example as a beacon of hope for us all.

We are expected to be so many things, some very contradictory - smart, mannerly, pretty, genuine, good liars, willing to submit,understanding when we are put last even though we are the smartest. It is sometimes impossible to be a satisfied black woman who does not lash out when under attack on such a regular basis, and yet, some of us tell our stories and empower others. Some of us get it done. There is hope.

The Art Of Affection

TODAY'S PEACE:

Has TV affected how you view love?

I think it has. I think lots of us think we are ready way before we are, and we create expectations based on our own sentiments without thinking about what other people want.

Are we ready to give parental love? Are we ready to give romantic love? Are we ready to be a friend?
LIFE IS HAPPENING! How can we get ready? How can we stay on track? And when we fall off, can we get back on?

Today I did a post on my facebook page

https://www.facebook.com/RebelGlamQueen (you can like me if you like this blog)


Here are my sentiments: What do we REALLY KNOW about who we claim to love? How can we learn to love past initial stages of attraction? Past points in our lives where we are going through a phase or have our own discomforts to deal with?
Affection is so very powerful. In my life, 2 minute hugs have changed my whole attitude. Holding hands has fixed many a bad day. Conversing with a child has reminded me of what matters most.
Love makes us stronger. We all need to learn the art of affection and focus more on how we can be loving in tough situations, instead of seeing letting go as an option when things start to fall apart.
Sometimes in the worst situation, a kind word, a soft touch, can start the road to repair. #therealist #theartofaffection#stillgood

Awake Soul

I’ve been sedated by a kiss

And held hostage by intoxicating mist

I felt attraction but never. Anticipcated. This.

I’m still and you’re still with me

A wanderer in your embrace

Moving but without a pace

Basking in blurry lights

And blurred lines

Tongues flowing in and out of time

You say you’re mine

Say you got me on the mind

So let’s get intertwined

Like the hairs of my locks

How they twist and they knot

Flowing down gently stroking your face

You always find the prize in the maze

The best dreams are when your soul is awake

You wake my soul while your kisses sedate

The best dreams are when your soul is away

Take my love because I give it away

Like palm trees in ocean breezes I sway

Patient in forever kisses I wait

The best dreams are when your soul is awake

I stole caresses and with kisses I pay

And now you are

Breaking me down to my simplest form of fantastic

And like mathematics I keep adding to your magic

I move slow though my heart is ecstatic

Taste my sweetness and I will give you the energy to match it

You got the keys to my temple and my doors are unlatching

(Pieca cake…)

The best dreams are when your soul is awake.

I encourage you, especially in times of emotional turmoil, to pursue and practice the ART OF AFFECTION.

(I HAVE BEEN A VICTIM OF SOCIAL HOSTILITY AND CONTINUE TO HAVE THIS ISSUE WHILE I FOLLOW MY PATH TO BEING THE QUEEN I AM. I have benefited especially from the art of affection and it is what keeps me grounded. Even this message will be ignored by some people because they know the messenger. Some may think they know me and they have not elevated to a point where they can see the positive nature of that. We have to see such greatness in ourselves that we do not feel the need to deny its existence in others. We need to stop belittling what we do not have and strive for more. (See #therealist #goodmorningtomore) Some are only willing to accept a message if  Maya Angelou or Iyanla Vanzant (someone they do not know at all) said it. We are all human, we all have ability to teach and to learn. Never forget that we are all energy balls of potential and it is not what box people put us in, but the choices we make, that define our beauty)