I am a black woman/mixed with nothing. Pretty and black is not pretty enough?

I am reading AMERICANAH by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie and I feel like I am so close to the main character Ifemelu, but with a little more faith generally speaking. There are certain honest points made that filled me with gratitude because not only am I not crazy, but people are writing truths and being recognized so it makes me feel a very bright hope for me as I have often been disliked by those who find me hard to argue with when I show them the truth. Also I believe I am in a changing period in my life and I do not know exactly what the future will bring but the writer who sat in the background while I cooked people's dinner has decided to break out.

It is amazing how I felt like I was always thought of as not as pretty as other women of mixed race even though I was raised by a mother who let me know I was prettier than most people that I was overlooked for. In my younger days I had a boyfriend who was white and indian mixed and I was never considered right for him. One night a woman I knew back then and I ended up having a few drinks. I actually dislike her because she is very fake and always showing off but I got forced into it in a sense (lol) and she said "Oh i remember when you were with him and EVERYBODY wondered why because you were so.... uhmm... 'rootsy'"

OK maam. Like wtf is rootsy? You mean because I had natural hair and he was not black? Or because he had money and fit into a bourgie circle? Certainly we are all connected to our roots, just some of us have a very fake root. I was me, and he liked me, and I liked him, stay out of it. You mean to say 9 years later she still had to mention it? She still aint get over it nuh.

Surely, based on my complexion, and my mother's stories, I do know I am mixed far back, but not enough for it to count. I have always picked men who have been considered as popular, with that being based on looks to an extent. What can I say, life is too short for ugly, to each his own so leave me and my choices alone. It is sad that whenever a man is faithful or seems worth anything, even the darkest women will wonder why he didn't choose a lighter partner. We have been damaged darlings, we are damaged.

It is so hard to be that black woman who is happy for the other black woman after we are working so hard to get somewhere that when someone else who is working seems to arrive before us we get disheartened and feel we have lost the race rather than using her example as a beacon of hope for us all.

We are expected to be so many things, some very contradictory - smart, mannerly, pretty, genuine, good liars, willing to submit,understanding when we are put last even though we are the smartest. It is sometimes impossible to be a satisfied black woman who does not lash out when under attack on such a regular basis, and yet, some of us tell our stories and empower others. Some of us get it done. There is hope.

The Art Of Affection

TODAY'S PEACE:

Has TV affected how you view love?

I think it has. I think lots of us think we are ready way before we are, and we create expectations based on our own sentiments without thinking about what other people want.

Are we ready to give parental love? Are we ready to give romantic love? Are we ready to be a friend?
LIFE IS HAPPENING! How can we get ready? How can we stay on track? And when we fall off, can we get back on?

Today I did a post on my facebook page

https://www.facebook.com/RebelGlamQueen (you can like me if you like this blog)


Here are my sentiments: What do we REALLY KNOW about who we claim to love? How can we learn to love past initial stages of attraction? Past points in our lives where we are going through a phase or have our own discomforts to deal with?
Affection is so very powerful. In my life, 2 minute hugs have changed my whole attitude. Holding hands has fixed many a bad day. Conversing with a child has reminded me of what matters most.
Love makes us stronger. We all need to learn the art of affection and focus more on how we can be loving in tough situations, instead of seeing letting go as an option when things start to fall apart.
Sometimes in the worst situation, a kind word, a soft touch, can start the road to repair. #therealist #theartofaffection#stillgood

Awake Soul

I’ve been sedated by a kiss

And held hostage by intoxicating mist

I felt attraction but never. Anticipcated. This.

I’m still and you’re still with me

A wanderer in your embrace

Moving but without a pace

Basking in blurry lights

And blurred lines

Tongues flowing in and out of time

You say you’re mine

Say you got me on the mind

So let’s get intertwined

Like the hairs of my locks

How they twist and they knot

Flowing down gently stroking your face

You always find the prize in the maze

The best dreams are when your soul is awake

You wake my soul while your kisses sedate

The best dreams are when your soul is away

Take my love because I give it away

Like palm trees in ocean breezes I sway

Patient in forever kisses I wait

The best dreams are when your soul is awake

I stole caresses and with kisses I pay

And now you are

Breaking me down to my simplest form of fantastic

And like mathematics I keep adding to your magic

I move slow though my heart is ecstatic

Taste my sweetness and I will give you the energy to match it

You got the keys to my temple and my doors are unlatching

(Pieca cake…)

The best dreams are when your soul is awake.

I encourage you, especially in times of emotional turmoil, to pursue and practice the ART OF AFFECTION.

(I HAVE BEEN A VICTIM OF SOCIAL HOSTILITY AND CONTINUE TO HAVE THIS ISSUE WHILE I FOLLOW MY PATH TO BEING THE QUEEN I AM. I have benefited especially from the art of affection and it is what keeps me grounded. Even this message will be ignored by some people because they know the messenger. Some may think they know me and they have not elevated to a point where they can see the positive nature of that. We have to see such greatness in ourselves that we do not feel the need to deny its existence in others. We need to stop belittling what we do not have and strive for more. (See #therealist #goodmorningtomore) Some are only willing to accept a message if  Maya Angelou or Iyanla Vanzant (someone they do not know at all) said it. We are all human, we all have ability to teach and to learn. Never forget that we are all energy balls of potential and it is not what box people put us in, but the choices we make, that define our beauty)

Poems with Power if Perceived Properly

I speak allot on Black women. We struggle with authenticity. We fight it. We detest it sometimes, and when we do accept it we are forced to defend it fiercely. 

I am not one to judge, in the form of condemnation (i think we all make judgements in order to survive this world) but I am one to ask questions. WHY is a weave or straight hair still more accepted than natural hair on black women? WHY are dark skinned people still getting negative comments about their colour?

Hello mama Africa, How are you and WHERE are you? Have we forgotten? I think we turn our backs sometimes and pretend. I think we don't answer the phone when she calls. I think we delete the messages without listening.

Where are you? How are you? Hello Queen, I still see you.

I WON!

Aww mann....missed u guys.

recently I entered NIFCA and I did not make it to the finals, that is the only way for a poet in Barbados to really get any recognition and though they had little criticism for my piece I still found I was not called to do the finals so I was upset, then I got over it.

I did however win something way more important to me than a medal from those NIFCA judges who don't really have much experience with spoken word, I won the IRON MIC SLAM COMPETITION! Now in order to even attend that slam something terrible had to happen to me, I was to plan a catering job for 5 months only for an idiot to fire me at the last minute after falsely accusing me of being unprofessional but that is a long story and I don't waste time on fools...but I am glad I didn't do that job, gave my husband a rain check for love and left and went to the Iron Mic slam. I had a headache the whole night but was able to wow the crowd with my spontaneous topic: Ban Peter Ram. lol. I think there is a video somewhere so as soon as it is on youtube I will upload it. Anyways, my point is, don't wait for someone to tell you that you are beautiful, know it!!!

If I waited

If I waited for them to tell me I was beautiful

Then I would be cold and dead as winter’s dust.

I had to see myself, my beauty’s potential

I had to celebrate my relevance

I thank God for my common sense

They ignored all the evidence

But I am still

Stunningly me.

And though this fact may annoy the judges

I know that I am beautiful.

Never perfect,

Often corrected

Please - when I apologize

Accept it…

But despite my normality

I am exquisitely

Beautiful.

If I waited to match their definition of talent

Then my poetry would be words lost in time

Never documented

And my stories would have died

Characters formed but breathless

And all of the colours would be humanity without the breath of life

Like Adam in the soil who never opened up his eyes

I pardon this world for creating the demise

Of so many women who failed to realize

But I survive

Vibrantly alive

Talented and gifted

With or without permission.

So forgive me for failing miserably at your definition of humility

I will not berate myself or make another feel that they are better than me

I have come from far away

The waves the wind creates travel the seas

And they are what they are ever more

Even without your small shore

For sure.

If I waited to be appreciated

My cold hands would not feel the tears

And my eulogy would not bring back the years

Or highlight the could be’s  that I currently am

And if I waited to be loved

Lived for glory and recognition

Then I probably would cry at night wishing that I was at least born a man

I value some true opinions

Others are the writing in the sand

Maybe knowing the right people helped some

But I am one who understands

That greatness is possible even in unbelieving lands

If I waited for their acknowledgement

I would live a can’t life

I am can.

So even if they tell me I have failed miserably

I am not bound to their energy

I will rise continuously

For dust and stagnancy are all that are promised to me

If I waited.

See my video for this piece here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1K_TNs7KtJY&feature=related

Now I know this blog is supposed to talk about food too, I just haven't taken much pics of the food I've been making other than my cupcake bouquets but I did make some gorgeous conkies today, ALMOST vegan, just a splash of milk but will leave out the milk next time!  They are lighter than the traditional Barbadian treat but quite lovely.

Artistically speaking I am doing an album and it is going well. Big shout outs to TRIPLE E STUDIOS &FANTOM DUNDEAL for the talent and support that have recently been added to my album. Fantom and I just finished a track and it is for a fact, fire.

What I would like to say finally is this: KNOW THAT YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AND YOU ARE SOMEBODY DO NOT WAIT, START OUT IMPORTANT! That way nothing hurts too much because you are not waiting for validation from others. TALENTED AND GIFTED WITH OR WITHOUT PERMISSION! LOVE WUNNA!(WUNNA IS BAJAN FOR 'YOU GUYS')